Kitten's Problem Play
by RozErika
Summary: Battler has to resist the annoying pester of the small animal who tries to capture his precious plate of muffins. A possible reason why he's incompetent. Battler oneshot, R&R appreciated.


**DISCLAIMER. THE CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME. NUFF' SAID.**

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"Shoo."

Battler's attempt to scare away the little black cat didn't help much at all. It wasn't intimidated by his actions, more being unimpressed. Battler narrowed his eyes a little, shooting a look at the kitten which boldly stopped its trotting near a chair. The small animal leaped on the chair and onto the table, inches away from the plate of freshly baked muffins.

It reached out a paw for one; which Battler snatched it away, and guarded his precious lunch with a hand. With another, he tried to wave it in front of the feline again to push it off the table, but the kitten merely scratched it's ear, causing fleas to drop onto the pure white tablecloth.

_That pesky little devil..._

With caution he inched the plate nearer to avoid the strands of fur, and with a hand, he shoved a muffin whole into his mouth. It hurt as the treat was far too big to fit into one's mouth, but Battler was able to swallow it all up. The cat meowed in seeming resentfulness and waved it's long dark tail ponderously. It tried to make a tiny hiss in an attempt to pester Battler into giving up a muffin.

Battler let a growl escape his lips before he could guard the plate with his hand.

_If this will ever go on,..._

"H-Hey!"

A blur of black swept pass the dish, knocking off Battler hand. A blueberry muffin dropped to the floor, spilling contents of blue and chocolate brown. The cat bounced off the table and pounced onto the muffin. It gobbled half of it up with its heart's content, making sure that there was no sticky mess left. Battler looked at his hand. It was covered with fresh marks- scratches, that the animal had left. Tears welled up in his eyes as a few drops of blood seeped out of the wound, dripping onto his pants.

As for the kitten, it lifted its head to meet Battler's eyes. Fading blue and velvety violet decorated the creature's eyes, filling a sly personality in them. Battler couldn't take it much longer.

"Aaaaaaah! THESE STUPID CATS!!!!"

"Battler-kun! What in Golden Land are you doing?"

Beatrice strolled over to Battler's table along with Ronove, and dropped her box of milk-coated candy on the furniture. She saw Battler's red palm, and raised her eyebrows. Ronove came to his side and offered to heal Battler's hand.

"Beato! It's these horrible monsters!" The redheaded man wailed, "They keep stealing my lunch!"

Right now the cat looked deceptively innocent, as if it had never done anything wrong. Beatrice rolled her eyes. She jabbed Battler's head with a finger, "Look at the sign. What does it say?"

Battler turned to look at where Beatrice pointed, but he couldn't help but glare at the faultless animal.

"That THING stole it from me," Battler muttered under his breath, locking his attention on the kitten that was busily munching on its last portion of muffin.

"'Do not feed the animals'. Is that what you meant, Battler-sama?" Ronove answered for Battler, who then glanced at the butler with discount. Beatrice sighed. The cat looked up from its muffin, looking around as though alarmed and frightened of its surroundings. It then scampered away back into the trees, leaving a trail of crumbs behind it.

"You've gotta be kidding me, Battler!" Beatrice cackled, and Battler turned speechless. She continued, "For a man like you to disobey the rules, and to blame it on a little, helpless creature? Don't be so cruel~"

Still dumbfounded, he protested, "But I swear! Look what it did to my hand!"

"Oh, Battler-kun, how can you scare that poor little cat that it HAD to scratch you! You see, you should learn from that little brain of yours: dropping a muffin on the ground, tempting the cat and scaring it off is very incompetent of you~"

Battler turned to look at the direction to where the cat had disappeared to, but there was no sign of it anywhere. Beatrice plopped down onto the seat while Battler concentrated his gaze at the trees. For once he thought he saw a grin, cat-like and two big blue eyes; human, or so he thought. Before he could blink, those eyes and mouth were gone. It couldn't be the cat, but with that human form...

Surely it was only his imagination?

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**Thar. Battler and seacats. XD**

**After seeing an Umineko Hell entry on Youtube, I got the idea. Could you guess who the cat was?**


End file.
